Washington DC: Hi Lynn
I just started an entry level job a few months ago that I really love. I love my boss and my team and the company and my responsibilities. But I am also really new to the working world -in particular, the high tech world- and I want to know what is out there for me. Where I could apply my skills, the spectrum of possibilities that are available to me, what more skills I shold acquire whether it be more business savvy or programming skills, etc. In short, I am look ing to start mapping out my career trajectory. Do you know how I could go about doing that? Are there places or workshops I can attend to start that process? Should I start talking to diferent people in the company? If I do start talking to people in the company could that look like I am unhappy with my job? What kind of counseling do you offer? Would you recommend career counsling for someone like me or do you cater to more executive level type of problems. I am basically a little lost as to where I am going and I want to take more control in my direction. The last thing I want is to follow some career path just because it is logical rather than it being logical AND desirable and then 10 or 15 years down the road realize that I'm doing something I hate. Thanks for your advice.

Lynn Friedman: Actually, from your question, it sounds as if you are less "lost" than you imagine. You are already asking some very good questions -- questions that don't occur to many people until they are much further along in their careers. Your idea, to plan ahead, is a good one. As for how to do that, I have a couple of thoughts.

First, start the networking process by joining some relevant organizations and attending their events. In this way, you can meet key players in your field, obtain informal mentoring and network for jobs. It is also a wonderful way to let people get to know you and to give something back to your professional community. For example, if you are here in Washington and are working in technology, you may want to consider joining dc Web Women and/or Women in Technology.

As for talking to the folks in your company, that's a very good idea. Tell your boss that you love your job, you love your team and you love him or her. Say that you are beginning to think about your long-range career plan and you would very much appeciate input and guidance. What does s/he see as your strengths? What areas does s/he feel warrant further development? What steps would the boss recommend? Would the company support or pay for these opportunities? (As they will enhance your work performance).

As a clinical psychologist and career coach who works with individuals from a wide range of backgrounds, I would also encourage you to consider joining a work-life success group where individuals from diverse age groups and professional backgrounds support each other in codifying their work-life goals. Good luck. Feel free to let me know if I can be helpful in any way.

Provo, Utah: I am curious as to what I am going to do career-wise after graduation. What advice would you give to any college student to prepare themselves for the work force?

Lynn Friedman: Focus would on 1) identifying you special and marketable talents and skills; 2) identifying what you enjoy doing. Seek input from your faculty and your career center.

This is an important topic and there's a lot to be said about it. One of the best and most current resources is the Washington jobs web site. They have an incredibly well done report designed for college students. It provides excellent advice. Also, you may want to check out my web site. I have several columns specifically designed for recent college graduates. www.drlynnfriedman.com. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Denver CO: Hello! I work in a very fast paced, busy office. We are a very young company, all of us on my team have been here from the beginning -less than a year-. There are 10 of us. There is one person who I would say is downright mean and very abrasive to the rest of us. She is very condescending, especially in meetings. She is not respectful when she disagrees with someone -which is usually all the time-. She has the attitude that her opinions are the only ones of value. Our group is a tight-knit one, which is necessary for the work we do -we are an internet start up-. She interrupts CONSTANTLY and is one of those people who always has to be right. She has even tried to steal ideas and projects that others "own". The catch? The boss LOVES it. She was not only promoted, but is always being held up as an example of a "go-getter", someone we should all emulate. I don't think the boss is aware of the morale problem this one person is causing. There is talk from half the team that as soon as our stock options vest -one year from date of hire-, there will be a mass exodus because of this one person. What's the best way to handle a "bull in the china shop" kind of person? I've been ignoring her unless absolutely necessary for work projects, but I'm afraid of being tagged a non-team player. None of us feel we can complain to the boss, since she seems so blinded by her "attributes". Is there something we can say to her without it being a 9 on 1 confrontation? Or should we be acting a certain way to let her know her behavior is unacceptable? Help! There are no other departments in this same company that I could transfer to, and I wouldn't want to quit because of one person, but at times I feel it's my only choice! Thank you.

Lynn Friedman: This is a difficult situation -- and, it is difficult to provide advice without more information. There are a few strategies which you might consider. First, you and you co-workers might suggest that you bring in an organizational-consultant to help to continue to develop a productive work climate. Each of you can share your view with the consultant.

An easier, probably more pragmatic approach would be to talk with your boss directly -- but, not about your coworker -- about your own professional goals within the company. Tell her that you love the company and you would like her help in plotting a career path in which you can receive recognition for *you* contributions. Good luck.

Surbubia, America: How do you know if finding the right career "fit" is a real issue, just a matter of conditioning, or simply an individual not being able to be happy?

I retired three years ago from a career which I found unique, challenging and exciting, I was a professional officer in the Army. Since then, I have found nothing which has inspired me to the same degree or had the same intensity of purpose. I am still young, 41, and still interested in finding a full-time work environment where I can excel, but I feel like I am thrashing around. I have had three jobs in the last three years for two different companies. All have been in program management and match a lot of the skills I acquired in the Army. What seems to be missing is a sense of purpose.

So, am I still missing the right match, have I been too conditioned from my Army career where I changed jobs about every two years or, as some relatives would suggest, I'm just the sort of person who can't be satisfied?

Lynn Friedman: Your situation is an extremely common one. Many people retire from the Army and aren't really certain how to reframe their skills so that they can make the transition into civilian life. I would encourage you to seek career coaching. This type of support can help you to figure out what you would like to do and how to go about doing it. Best wishes.

washington dc: what's the best way to explain a four month
unemployment period due to cancer treatments?

Lynn Friedman: This sounds like a difficult and painful situation. Yes there is discimination out there. I have a couple of thoughts. First, consider joining a cancer support group that includes other working people. Find out how they have handled similiar situations. They may be very helpful in linking you to useful high quality resources. Also, consider contacting an attorney (may one who knows about cancer first hand) as you need to know your rights and obligations.

As for the hiatus in your work history, during those several months you devoted yourself to something -- learning about cancer? health care? something? I would describe whatever it was in very professional terms. Finally, I would advise you to seek help from a career coach -- to generate some good responses -- that are honest but that do not include the entire truth (the fact that you had cancer isn't anyone's business). Noone should have to go through this alone. Seek support. Best of luck.

Washington, DC: Is it better not to mention that you have a child during an interview process? I undertand that the interviewer cannot ask this question. I decided not to mention that I have a daughter during my last interview. After securing the position, I asked my mgr. about working hours. She then informed me that sometimes that have late conference calls, and she did not realize I had a daughter. Had I mentioned my daughter, she probably would not have offered me the job.

Lynn Friedman: During the interview process -- particularly before you accept a job, it is very important to be honest with your
employer about what you can and can not do. The reason why you can or can not do something aren't anyone else's business. So, if you can only work from 9-5, it is important that you say so. In this way, the boss will know if you can fulfil the job requirements. The reason why you can or can not do so (i.e. having a daughter) is irrelevant.But, your prospective employer does have a right to know what to expect.

As for mentioning that you have a daughter -- this might be something that you would choose to do so that you can assess whether the company policies are friendly to those with children. After all, it's important to work in an environment where others, who are similar to you, have succeeded. I have written a piece on "Assessing Your Work Environment" for Washington jobs.com. You may want to check it out. I hope that things work out for you.

Washington, DC: How do I know if I've been sexually harassed at work? Is a comment about the way I dress, or the way my hair looks, harassment? Where does the line between a flattering comment and sexual harassment lie?

Lynn Friedman: This is a very grey area. The key here is to decide how you want to be treated and to make it clear to those around you. If you like being complimented on your hair or your clothes, than, this does not constitute harassment.

If you don't like it, you need to make it clear to who ever is doing it, that you would like them to stop it. I would suggest doing that in a very nice way (after all men are not mind readers). Say something like, you know John, I know that you intended that remark to be flattering, but it makes me uncomfortable when you say things about my appearance. Please don't do that anymore. In most cases, I would say this in private when it happens for the first time. You can escalate if your sentiments are ignored or not respected. Good luck. I hope that this works out for you.

Washington DC: Good morning Dr. Friedman:

I am the US born child of South American parents, and was raised in South America, where I was trained as a physician. In my mid-20's, after having practiced medicine for a couple of years i decided to move to the US because of civil unrest -bombs, etc- in my city and country. Since coming to the US, i decided to do something different and I obtained a law degree from a top-10 law school. The placement people there strongly urged me to list my MD -even though I am not licensed to practice in the US- on my resume in conducting a job search. I quickly found that the result of this was that only plaintiff's personal injury and plaintiff;s medical malpractice law firms took any interest in me. I have no stomach for suing physicians and am really not happy as a plaintiff's lawyer nor am I really aggressive enough to be effective in that capacity. I find myself with 3 years experience in plaintiff's practice, and some time off for having a baby as well as quite of temping experience under my belt. I wonder if you can suggest where I might look for a career at this point. I would like to make use of my law degree although not necessaily in a conventional law firm setting and am flexible as to whether or not I use or even include my medical background in my resume. Additionally, I am fluent in Spanish and French as well as English.

Thanks in advance for any ideas.

Lynn Friedman: Having just relocated to Washington, I was amazed by the number of unhappy attorneys. In fact, I am developing a subspecialty in doing work-life consultation with these attorneys. You sound as if you are ready to begin to figure out what you want to do with your work-life. The fact that you are tri-lingual is a wonderful asset. At this point, you may want to consider career coaching and/or joining a work-life group where you can receive support in figuring out what you want to do and how to got about doing it. Also, you may want to read Wishcraft by Barbara Sher -- it's written for the popular media. She has some wonderful ideas about how to go about answering these types of questions. Good luck. Feel free to let me know if I can be helpful in any way.

Charlottesville, Virginia: First: Thanks for offering your advice on line>>> I am trying to transition into a new career -- involving responsibilities I have performed for many years as a volunteer. I seem to be running into one brick wall after another & must consider if I am failing to present myself in the most favorable aspect or -- what? Background: was trial lawyer for >12 years; sold practice because I was tired of it; have always LOVED organizing or helping out with conferences, seminars and continuing legal ed and would now like to do general programming -set up educational & artistic events- for a conference-performing arts facility, or educational conference development & planning for a corporate entity or university. As a volunteer, I've done seminars & conferences for writers, artists & lawyers. I have a wonderful background in classical music and art in addition to law and business and feel I would be PERFECT in this type of position. Plus -- this type of work gives me a charge I haven't felt in a long, long time. Thus far, I am being passed over by folks who have had -paid- programming experience at other facilities-corporations or someone about 10 years younger -I am mid-40's- who has more marketing-development experience than I have. What confuses me is -- I have innate marketing skills -- I would not have succeeded as a trial lawyer or business woman without them. These are transferrable skills & yet, the fact that I have only volunteer experience in applying them to actual conferences and events seems to be a handicap. Am I missing something here? How can I communicate the fact that trials are actually "educational events"? The skills of a good trial lawyer actually exceed the skills necessary to put on a great academic or artistic conference or event. Can you help w-any suggestions or coping strategies for me -- or am I doomed to crawling back to law where I can make an excellent living $-wise, but there is no joy left in it for me anymore.

Lynn Friedman: Hmmm. This is a knotty problem. I have worked with a number attorneys who are trying to make a career transition (Washington is crawling with them).

You don't mention whether you are willing to leave your (relatively) small locale or whether you are looking within your geographic area. My guess is that you are encountering some "competency" discrimination. You don't fit into the mold and people may find that very threatening. The key here is for you to develop a strategy for letting your potential employers get to know you and to see what you can do. I have written an article, which is on the Washington jobs.com web site, called, "How to gain entry into any setting". You may find it helpful.

Also, I would encourage you to consider seeking career coaching and/or joining a work-life group. You need to be strategic about this -- a career coach or work-life group can help you to plan a (hopefully) successful strategy. Best of luck.

Silver Spring, MD: I have worked for ten years in the same office-higher ed-, and promoted three times to new and challenging positions. Now, I would like to use my skills and experience in the international HIV-AIDS prevention field. Currently, I am in an acting position and don't plan to put my hat in the ring for a permanent position. I don't have a new job lined up yet. I'd like to take a sabbatical of sorts while looking for a new job. I am really exhausted and could use a period of time when I can be a bit of bum. Do you think prospective employers might look negatively on my applying for work while I am basically unemployed?

Lynn Friedman: Employers tend to throw out those resumes that confuse them. So, taking time off and being a "bit of a bum", will worry them. What you may want to consider is creating a fig leaf. Perhaps you can approach your current employer and propose some nominal connections -- so, that although you are not actually working -- you still have some official tie to your company. For example, you may consult on a small project. The key here is to create a "plausible fiction" as to how you spent your time. In this way, your prospective employer will not worry that you may not be reliable.

Alternatively, you may want to try to line up a new job that starts a few months down the road. Good luck.

Herndon, Virginia: I recently changed jobs 2 months ago. Unfortunately, the new corporation has just been faced with unexpected corporate downsizing which has resulted in recent staff reductions. What do I do now? Stick with it? Look for a new job? Jump ship just in case it sinks without a new job? I am in an upper management position and have never been faced with this type of situation.
J. Miller

Lynn Friedman: Certainly there is no harm in initiating a job search. If I were in your shoes, I would do so at once. Also, I would discretely try to learn as much as I could about the downsizing so that I could plot my "survival" strategy", as there will be some survivors. Perhaps you can figure out how to be one of them. As for your idea of quitting before the ship sinks, I am not sure why you would consider that without first having a job. Finally, I would consider joining a work-life success group and/or career coaching -- you need to develop a strategic plan. Good luck.

SHELIA,WASHINGTON,D.C.: I AM CURENTLY AT DEAD END JOB.ALSO WORKING A SECOND JOB TO SUPPLEMENT NY INCOME.HOW DO I FIND THE TIME TO LOOK FOR A NEW ONE?

Lynn Friedman: A key is to set aside some time every day, or even twice a week, just to work on it. You do not mention your field or your interests, so it is difficult to advise you. You need to start by articulating your work goals. I would encourage you to read Dick Bolles's, What Color is Your Parachute, for helpful advice as to how to do this. Also, I would encourage you to seek out a mentor or a work-life support group. This type of process tends to work best when you do not do it all alone. Best of luck.

Bethesda, MD: How can I handle a co-worker who is extremely defensive when it comes to constructive criticism? This person seems to be in need of some sort of validation - she does her work as quickly as possible, but the quality of her work is poor and she seems ready to pass the blame on to me or others. What, if anything, can be said to her?

Lynn Friedman: Actually, it's difficult to advise you without knowing the details. I am not sure why you are worried about your coworker. There may be good reasons, I would just need to know more. Often concerns about a coworker are related to concerns about their impact on the boss.

My thought is that you need to work to solidify your relationship with your boss. Make sure that you establish an understanding with the boss as to his/her expectations. That is, you need to know what you should be doing and whether the boss feels that you are doing it well. Also, you need to know what your boss feels are your strengths -- what areas warrant further development and how you can work together so that you can do your best work. If you are able to forge a tight alliance with your boss, there's a good chance that your concerns about your coworker may recede into the background. I hope this is helpful.

Virginia Beach, VA: I have 22 years experience in human resources with various employers. Recently, I was fired as director of Human Resources from my former employer because I refused to compromise my beliefs with illegal employment practices. I am actively seeking employment and am not sure how to answer the question "why I left my last employer" for an upcoming interview. Should I leave this information off my resume? I've been consulting part-time since 1996 and could possibly cover up this time period. Also, I have hours towards my doctorate and am comtemplating going back to school full-time -once I find resources- to obtain my degree in organizational psychology. Where can I get information on schools offering this degree?

Lynn Friedman: I hope that you have sought legal advice as to your termination. If not, I would advise you to do so. You need to have an agreement with your former employer about what you will say and what they will say. An attorney is the best person to help you with that.

Regarding your interest in psychology, you may want to check out my web site. www.drlynnfriedman.com Also, the American Psychological Association has some excellent online resources. Best of luck.

WashingtonJobs.com: Unfortunately that is all the time we have for today.

We hope you come back and join us on Mondays at 11 a.m. and Thursdays at 10 a.m., when we feature live discussions about careers with special guest experts.

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