Keeping the Wolf from the Door: Three Steps for Surviving and Thriving after a Layoff

The column below, by Dr. Lynn Friedman, was originally published on the DC Web Women site Surviving, let alone thriving, after a layoff isn't easy. But it can be done. You can take three steps to support yourself psychologically and financially while you look for a new position. These steps include: separating from your former position in a self-esteem-enhancing fashion; taking care of yourself; creating an income stream to support yourself while you search for that dream job. Each will be addressed in turn. Separating from your former position in a self-esteem-enhancing fashion To deal with layoff, take steps to preserve your morale. Layoff, even from a less-than-perfect job, is at best disconcerting. Thus, it's important to take steps to maintain (or even to enhance) your self-esteem. Make yourself easy to be with: Create a plausible story as to why you left. You have been laid off. A natural, though painful, reaction of others is to avoid you. It just makes your colleagues too anxious to imagine themselves in your situation. So, avoiding you allows them to not think about your situation. Unfortunately, "out of sight, out of mind" is the antithesis of what you need. Therefore, your task is to draw them toward you. How can you do that? Although it's easier said than done, it's important not to talk about your feelings about the layoff in public. Why? Although your bad feelings are completely understandable, they will alienate others, especially potential bosses. Consider selecting a few close friends, family members, and if necessary a professional, and confide in them exclusively. For the sake of your job search, try writing a brief story as to why you left your former job. Put a happy face on it. Say some very nice things about your former company and your former boss. This is important because your prospective bosses will listen and anticipate that this is the way in which you will talk about them and their company if they hire you. Say that you left because you became increasingly more interested in x. (Just make sure that x is something that your old company doesnÕt have that the prospective company does have.) If you are leaving as a consequence of huge layoffs, the latter part may not be necessary, but make sure to identify things that you enjoyed about the company. If your boss will be writing your good references, speak highly of her. This will inevitably benefit you in many ways. To ensure that you have mastered the capacity to talk about this situation, you might want to role play talking about the layoff, repeatedly. In this way, when you are asked about it, you will have your statement down. For examples of how to practice this sort of thing, read Manual SmithÕs When I Say ŌNoĶ I Feel Guilty. He provides dozens of transcripts of assertive interviewing. Separate on good terms Assuming your company is still in business, you want to separate on good terms, if you can. Negotiate the terms of separation with your former employer. If you are leaving on less-than-friendly terms, seek legal consultation BEFORE negotiating for references, severance pay, and outplacement services. Although an hour of an employee attorney's time will cost between $150-400, it can be money well spent, especially if you organize your questions in advance of the meeting. A skilled employment attorney will help you to develop a strategy as to how to effectively negotiate the terms of your separation. If you enter into negotiations clearly understanding your rights, you will be more effective than if you lack this sort of information. Often, people without the aid of legal counsel will threaten legal recourse. Unfortunately, this sort of uninformed behavior can backfire, making it harder for you to move on to your next position. If your layoff is the result of hard times and you are leaving on essentially good terms, consider exploring the following: How to obtain an excellent reference. Try to talk candidly with your boss about references. If your boss is busy, make the task easier for her. Provide her with a list of your accomplishments that are relevant to the jobs for which you are applying. Also, keep her up to date with the specs on each job for which you apply. In that way, she can be more helpful when your prospective employer calls. How to maintain an ongoing relationship with your former boss and/or colleagues who might be helpful to you in your job search. If youÕre leaving on good terms, odds are your boss will feel guilty about your termination. Some bosses may be inclined to manage their guilt by avoiding you. You may need to help your former boss to assuage her guilt. She can do this by helping you. You might consider how to identify ways in which she can help that will take little time or money, and that will benefit both you and the company. How might your former boss help you? Can she make phone calls to ten colleagues on your behalf? Can she ask them to meet with you and brainstorm with you about networking possibilities? Can she tell them that she was horrified that such a fabulous employee was laid off? Before approaching her, you might consider identifying the ways in which she will benefit from helping you. Remember, if you were a good employee, her colleagues may be grateful that she sent you their way. ItÕs important to help make your own case, even if the boss thinks youÕre great. In this way, you arm her with ammunition so that she can enlist the support of her boss and others in your former organization who might be helpful. Remember, obtaining employment quickly will keep you off the companyÕs unemployment rolls, thereby saving them money. Consider going to lunch with your former boss and colleagues on a regular basis. That is, maintain your collegial relationships. At these lunches, be sure to be helpful and upbeat. As difficult as it can be, it is important to NEVER focus on the unfairness or unhappiness associated with the layoff. Rather, present yourself as an interesting and interested person who is functioning well after layoff and who is actively pursuing work. Be helpful to your former colleagues. In this way, you will be seen as "work-ready." Beyond this, everyone will be impressed by your attitude. If you need support, seek it from those who are not your colleagues, such as friends, family members, and/or professionals. How to keep working even if your former company has laid you off. Consider subcontracting. If your former company has no money, consider offering a few hours a week of service in exchange for a title, health benefits, and/or access to resources such as copiers, faxes, a phone, secretarial support, etc. A nominal, part-time job within the company will allow you, in effect, to be looking from a job. If you decide to take this approach, you might to consider creating a position with a useful title that allows you to network. Take care of yourself Remain or become fit Work out every day. If youÕve never worked out, you'll want to talk with your doctor and start walking. This will improve your self-esteem. Also, there is a large body of research that demonstrates that exercise stimulates endorphins and reduces depression. So, believe it or not, exercise will actually make you feel better. For those who haven't exercised in the past, it may take a few months. But, if you are persistent, even you will develop an exerciser's high. Moreover, as unfair as it is, people discriminate against the less fit. Everyone will be impressed with your ability to stick to an exercise regimen. Maintain your health insurance. By law, employers are required to allow you to continue to buy health insurance for 18 months after lay-off. This is one cost that you canÕt afford to cut. Maintain your social and professional relationships. You may not be able to dine at the Ritz, but it is extremely important that you continue to maintain an active social life. Meet your friends for coffee or walks. When you do, be sure to tell them exactly what kind of work you are seeking. Also, identify concrete and specific ways in which they can help. Create a way to generate income while engaging in your job search Finding a job may take some time, but there are some ways that you can make money immediately. The critical ingredients to creating an income stream are: you already have a skill/product that you can market; you have a straightforward way to market the skill using either the telephone, email, or the door-to-door method. Methods that entail sending out resumes generally do not work. Depending on your skills and interests, you might consider the following scenarios: The Accountant's Assistant A woman uses Quicken and/or Quickbooks for her own finances and she is familiar with Turbo Tax and other packages used by accounting firms. She offers to help sole proprietors and/or small businesses to learn and to use these programs. On her computer, she generates a flyer offering her services. She makes 1000 copies of it, as well as generating 1000 very inexpensive business cards. She is explicit about what she will provide, when she will provide it, and what it will cost. She identifies 8 accounting firms that are near to each other and near to her. She calls the office manager in each. She explains how her service will make their task easier. This isnÕt her lifeÕs work. But the accountants need her help and it pays the rent. They work with her, they come to know and respect her, and they refer their clients to her so that she can help them to become more organized for their quarterly payments. She writes a brief article for each of the three local accounting newsletters on how this sort of organizational help benefits clients and accountants. The next thing she knows, sheÕs in business. The Computer Doc Ms. X. knows that doctors and other non-technically oriented sole proprietors have difficulty resolving the most basic computer difficulties. She identifies 8 buildings near to each other and near to her home. Her flyer explains that she makes Ōhouse callsĶ. Like a plumber, she has a special fee for after-hours, holiday, and weekend consultations. She generates a simple flyer and goes door-to-door offering her services. As she talks to office managers, she learns about common problems that they face. She describes these difficulties and talks about how she can address them. She even offers a free demo on a common problem. She charges a certain minimum fee just for coming onsite. She is explicit about her hourly rate. The Newsletter Writer Ms. Y. is a skilled writer and she is well-read. She has been laid off from a technical position, but she figures that given her superb research skills, she can write about anything. She picks an area of interest, for example, law or health. She writes several very short writing samples that are on topic. She calls the public relations directors of 50 large organizations and tells them that she is looking for work on a consulting basis. She asks them if she can be of any help. She offers to write a brief piece on spec. for their newsletter. Before making a call, she writes out and rehearses a script as to what she will say. She modifies the script based on what she learns from each call. 50 calls seem like a lot to her, but she resolves to make 10 calls a day. Although many people are too busy to talk with her, to her astonishment, one out of every 10 is interested. They ask for her writing sample and offer her some work. Armed with the realization that 10% of her calls will lead to work, she no longer takes rejection personally. She just keeps calling. The Web Architect Ms. N. knows that most non-tech folks have no idea what makes a web site successful. She designs a simple template for a basic web site. She offers a special service for small businesses: she will create a web site, register it with major search engines, and help the proprietor think about how to gain visibility. She has a fee that she quotes upfront. Also, she has an hourly rate for any extras that the client may want. She considers picking a profession of interest to her, such as gynecology or law, etc. However, her love is gardening, so she markets to this niche group. They love her because she already knows a lot about their business, and she enjoys learning more! The Professor Ms. A. does not have a masterÕs degree. However, she knows more about the everyday uses of computers than most people on any campus. She approaches the heads of evening business programs and offers to teach their basic classes in using the computer. These include how to turn on the computer, how to create a small web site, how to use PowerPoint, etc. She offers a free, superb training session as a way of familiarizing faculty with her work. Also, she offers her services to medical school libraries where faculty are eager to learn these skills. Some departments do not allow her to teach because she lacks an advanced degree. But, to her astonishment, some do. The Tutor Ms. B. loves kids. She decides to tutor them in computers and mathematics. She learns that, in D.C., tutors are often paid as much as $70-80 an hour. She contacts several of the 90 independent schools in the Washington area. She offers to tutor on-site. A number of schools retain her and provide her with a place to work. For those who donÕt, she holds "office hours" at a nearby library. She knows that the schedules of students can change, so she is explicit regarding cancellation policies. She begins calling in the spring. Suddenly, she finds herself teaching summer school at a prestigious private school. This gives her the credentials to expand her tutoring service. The Organizer Ms. T makes order out of chaos. All of her life, her friends have teased her about her superb organizational skills. She decides to put them to work. She organizes the homes and offices of friends so that she has "experience". Then, she contacts local businesses and posts on mailing lists, letting people know that she is "an organizer for hire." At $50.00-$150.00 an hour, she is able to generate a steady, solid income. Conclusion Being laid off is disruptive and frightening for anyone. Key steps to surviving and thriving entail leaving with dignity, taking care of yourself, and creating an innovative way to support yourself. Individuals reading this article also enjoyed: These columns were initially published on the DC Web Women site Envisioning Your Work-life Plan Developing a Strategy for Pursuing Work-life Goals Developing a Strategy for Pursuing Work-Life Goals: Overcoming Resistance A Psychoanalytic Approach to Career Assessment Strategies for getting your Career on Track: Selecting your Career Coach Connect with Dr. Lynn Friedman Dr. Lynn Friedman works with professionals and professionals-in-the-making to help them to achieve their life - relationship and work - goals. To schedule an appointment with Dr. Lynn Friedman, feel free to give her a call at: 301-656-9650 Subscribe to Dr. Lynn Friedman's work-life ezineSend her an email telling her that you'd like to subscribe and telling her what you think of the site. Corporations on the Couch Read Dr. Lynn Friedman's monthly, Washington Business Journal, column on understanding workplace dynamics. For your questions about relationships, psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, check out Dr. Lynn Friedman's new website, The Washington Psychoanalyst.