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| Why are People Underemployed?
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 I am 25 years old. I graduated from a great college and did extremely
well. For the last 3 years, I have been living at home and working as a
waitress. I want a job that is more suitable to my skills and
interests. I want to get away from my parents! They are driving me
crazy! However, I can't seem to get mobilized.
My job search has come to a complete halt. I have heard you speak and
I read all three of the books that you recommended. I read Barbara
Sher's
Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want,
Richard Bolles'
What Color is Your Parachute?
and, Jack Chapman's
How to Make $1000 a Minute.
The information was helpful and straightforward, but, I just
couldn't seem to follow through on doing the exercises.
Help!
Frustrated to tears.
I can see why you are so frustrated. It's probably puzzling to you,
after having done very well as an undergraduate, to find yourself so
stuck. I am going to encourage you to do something that you will find
very strange. I want you to look at the advantages to maintaining your
current situation. I know that you can identify the benefits associated
with an interesting job and being out on your own. It's is much harder
to think about the downside. For example, what would it mean if you
really did figure out what you wanted to do? What if you went out and
did it? What if you were good at it? Eventually, it would mean that
you were able to move out on your own. What is the downside to that? Is
it difficult for you to be alone? What aspects of this "adult" life
style are frightening to you? People to whom I have posed this question
in the past have consistently told me that they thought it was a crazy
question. However, weeks, months or years later they return and tell
me--though they didn't realize it at the time, I was right.
Allow yourself six weeks to think about this and to take the following
steps. If you are able to identify your fears, that is a wonderful
beginning to changing your situation. Talk your fears over with a
trusted friend. Develop a plan for following through on the strategies
recommended in some of these books. Join a professionally led, career
coaching group or start one on your own. After six weeks, if you are
unable to take any of these steps, don't sit around feeling frustrated.
Seek psychotherapy from an experienced clinician.
Dr. Friedman
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Write Dr. Lynn Friedman