þÿ<!-- * Author: Dr. Lynn Friedman * Copyright. 2006-8 Dr. Lynn Friedman. All rights reserved. --> <html> <head> <title>Dr. Lynn Friedman -corporations on the couch - 20815 - washington business journal - turncoat boss - untrustworthy boss - corporate dysfunction - organizational dysfunction - workplace dysfunction - dysfunction - organizational dynamics - dynamics - psychodynamics - corporation - corporations - coach - executive coach - coach - career - corporate - corporate coach - organization - organizational - The Washington Psychoanalyst -Dr. Lynn Friedman - psychoanalyst - clinical psychologist - psychologist - psychoanalytic - psychoanalysis - psychoanalyst - washington - d.c. - dc - maryland - bethesda - chevy chase - silver spring - rockville - northern virginia - arlington - virginia - fairfax - baltimore - johns hopkins - lynne - lynn - friedman -freedman -friedman - freeman - washington psychoanalyst - apsa - american psychoanalytic-friendship heights- washington post - drlynnfriedman.com</title> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../css/general.css" type="text/css" /> <!-- Set response headers. --> <META NAME="author" CONTENT="corporationsonthecouch.com"> <META NAME="robots" CONTENT="FOLLOW,INDEX"> <meta name="description" content="Your job may not be driving you nuts, but if it is Dr. Lynn Friedman knows how to help. By examining workplace dynamics -- hirings, firings, narcissistic bosses and passive aggressive employees, the office scapegoat and the bosses pet, corporate dysfunction and corporate health, happy employees and miserable ones -- Friedman puts "Corporations on the Couch" in her widely popular column by that name. The psychoanalyst, psychologist, Johns Hopkins faculty member, organizational consultant and executive coach explains, in frank and often funny terms, how corporate cultures and corporate leaders support and sustain (albeit inadvertently) the surprising, strange and truly bizarre array of workplace behaviors. And, like any good therapist, Friedman helps readers to get off the couch, build healthy relationships and end bad ones."> <meta name="keywords" content="Dr. Lynn Friedman, Lynn V. Friedman, corporations on the couch - organizational dynamics - organizational dynamic - corporate - corporations -coach -career -couch - what is the meaning of psychoanalysis - applied psychoanalysis - The Washington Psychoanalyst -Dr. Lynn Friedman - psychoanalyst - clinical psychologist - psychologist - psychoanalytic - psychoanalysis - psychoanalyst - washington - d.c. - dc - maryland - bethesda - chevy chase - silver spring - rockville - northern virginia - arlington - virginia - fairfax - baltimore - johns hopkins - psychotherapy - work-life - johns hopkins - lynne - lynn - friedman -freedman -friedman - washington psychoanalyst - apsa - american psychoanalytic-friendship heights- washington post,"> <meta http-equiv="content-language" content="en-us"> <meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> <meta http-equiv="expires" content="0" /> <meta http-equiv="pragma" content="no-cache"> </head> <!-- The first four attributes of the body tag are specific to IE and the last two are specific to Netscape. --> <body topmargin="0" leftmargin="0" rightmargin="0" bottommargin="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0"> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="100%"> <tr bgcolor="003366"> <td rowspan="2" class="barBG">&nbsp;</td> <td rowspan="2" class="barBG" width="158px" align="left"><img src="../../graphic/navigationBar/logo.gif" width="166px" height="58px" alt="Logo" border="0" /></td> <td width="582px" height="30px" align="right">&nbsp;</td> <td rowspan="2" class="barBG">&nbsp;</td> </tr> <tr bgcolor="003366" valign="bottom"> <td class="barBG" align="right"> <table border="0" cellspacing="0" cellpadding="0" width="90%"> <tr> </tr> </table> </td> <tr> <td colspan="4" bgcolor="666699">&nbsp;</td> </tr> </table> </body> </html> <ul><p><h1><a href="http://www.corporationsonthecouch.com" target="_blank">Corporations on the Couch</a></h1></p></ul> <ul><p><h3><a href="http://www.drlynnfriedman.com/about.html" target="_blank">Lynn Friedman, Ph.D., Psychoanalyst, Clinical Psychologist and Executive Coach</a></h3></p></ul> <ul><p><h3>A monthly column published in the Washington Business Journal</h3></p></ul> <!-- Body of Text Begins Here --> <p align=center> <table cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0 border=1 width=700> <tr><td valign=top bgcolor="#dddddd"><FONT SIZE="3" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <b>A turncoat boss requires special care</b></font> </td></tr> <tr><td valign=top><FONT SIZE="-1" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <ul><p>Your boss, John, has done it again. And once again you feel you've been had.</p> <p>Dealing with a dicey internal political situation, you confided in him. You needed his sponsorship and told him so. You gave him a compelling rationale for your position and described how he could be helpful. His response came as a great relief.</p> <p>Empathic, concerned, thoughtful, he assured you that you would have his total support. So you slept well and attended the meeting relaxed and confident. And John, in the loveliest, most gracious way -- acting as if he were giving you a gift -- torpedoed your request.</p> <p>Still worse, afterward, he evinced no contrition, not even a twinge of discomfort. He offered no explanation and acted as though you should be happy with the outcome.</p> <p>Aside from being furious, you're mystified. How could he be so seemingly compassionate, so reassuring -- and then do the exact opposite of what he promised? More puzzling, how could he act as if he had done nothing upsetting?</p> <p>Most disconcerting, he has a reputation as a nice guy. You can see why. You thought so too!</p> <p>So you meet with him privately and tell him how disappointed you were. After all, he gave you his word and then switched horses midstream. John acts as if he completely understands. He even apologizes.</p> <p>But later you learn that behind your back, sitting with the corporate elders, he rewrites history and manages to convey that you have a problem. You're dismayed when you learn that he has done this to you more than once.</p> <p>He is smooth as silk, and you find it difficult not to trust his sincere, seemingly heartfelt, assurances.</p> <p>You wonder how you should understand his behavior and what steps you might take to manage him and protect yourself in the future.</p> <p><b>A wolf in sheep's clothing</b></p> <p>You have learned something vital, albeit very unpleasant, about your boss: You can't trust him. An important thing to recognize is that neither can anyone else -- at least not anyone in a subordinate position because he probably attempts to curry favor with corporate leaders and his colleagues.</p> <p>The key thing to remember, for your purposes, is that John is not a man of his word -- nor a person of integrity.</p> <p>He is not on your side. He's not on anyone's side. He's organized around looking good at any cost. And you are expendable.</p> <p>The conspicuous absence of guilt on his part is not an auspicious sign. And you've learned a second critical thing. John is able to seduce people into believing that he is trustworthy. Perhaps he even believes it too.</p> <p>Unfortunately, he has got credibility. And make no mistake about it, because of this he can be quite damaging to you.</p> <p><b>From what well does it spring?</b></p> <p>How can John's behavior be understood and, most importantly, how can he be managed? Everyone is unique, so it is impossible to be certain of what drives John's behavior.</p> <p>But here are some things to consider. Despite his outward appearance of confidence, John is very insecure about where he stands. In his early life, parents and key caretakers may have been unreliable and undependable. Thus, he did not learn how to trust others, an important first step to becoming trustworthy. His behavior might also reflect troubling corporate dynamics cascading from the top. Likely it's a mix of both.</p> <p>In any case, John has a desperate need for acceptance -- particularly from people he admires (usually those in power) -- and is desperate for the admiration of his subordinates. Those traits prompt him to tell you what you want to hear instead of being straightforward and telling you where you really stand. It also means he readily (and secretly) subordinates your needs to his own.</p> <p><b>How can you succeed with this sort of boss?</b></p> <p>John is, indeed, challenging. While he's likely to self-destruct eventually, there are no guarantees its will happen any time soon. Launching a full-scale search for more hospitable quarters, internally or externally, is a completely reasonable course of action. But in the interim there are steps you can take to protect yourself and to succeed.</p> <p>Because John is preoccupied with looking good at all costs, make yourself valuable to him and to the people he values.</p> <p>If possible, write things for him in ways that make you both look good. But be prepared, he is likely to appropriate your successes and to attribute to you anything that does not work out. One strategy is to help him appreciate that you can make him look good but that this is contingent on some kind of reciprocity. However, whatever John promises -- don't take his word for it.</p> <p>Don't be shy about conveying your good work and ideas where they will be heard. But proceed carefully because that may be threatening to John within the company. Help his contemporaries and the corporate leaders develop an independent view of you as a talented person. If John sees you as connected to and respected by the brass, he will be less likely to sabotage you because he'll fear their disapproval. He may even attempt to take credit for having such an able employee.</p> <p>Beyond this, join your trade associations, do good work, showcase it and be generous in acknowledging your company's support. In this way, you will create professional options for yourself, within the company and outside of it. This recognition will allow you to preserve your self-esteem while working with a trying boss.</p> <p>It's not easy to work with a boss who is unable to establish trusting relationships. In dealing with bosses like John, it's important to remember that you get to go home at the end of each day, but they have to live with themselves all the time.</p> <p><b>This article, <a href="http://sanjose.bizjournals.com/washington/stories/2008/01/28/smallb3.html" target="new window">A turncoat boss requires special care, by Dr. Lynn Friedman, clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst and work-life consultant,</a> is reprinted with permission from the Washington Business Journal. (Find the original article here.)</p> </font> </td></tr> </table> </p> </font> <!-- End of text page --> <!-- Body of Text Begins Here --> <p align=center> <table cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0 border=1 width=700> <tr><td valign=top bgcolor="#dddddd"><FONT SIZE="3" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <b><a href="http://www.drlynnfriedman.com/about.html"target="_blank">Connect with Dr. Lynn Friedman, psychoanalyst, psychologist, work-life coach</b></font> </td></tr> <tr><td valign=top><FONT SIZE="-1" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <i>Dr. Lynn Friedman provides organizational consultation and works with professionals and professionals-in-the-making to help them to achieve their work-life goals. </i> <br><br> <li>Is your career off-track? Are you unhappy at work? Do you find it impossible to follow through on the suggestions of career books and coaches? <a href="http://www.drlynnfriedman.com/careerassessment.pdf" target="_blank">Download Dr. Lynn Friedman's pdf file </a> examining the kinds of help that might be useful.</p> <li><a href="http://www.drlynnfriedman.com/about.html" target="_blank">If you'd like to schedule an appointment</a> with Dr. Lynn Friedman, feel free to give her a call at: 301-656-9650 <li><a href="feed://drlynnfriedman.typepad.com/dr_lynn_friedmans_blog_al/index.rdf">Subscribe to Dr. Lynn Friedman's blog feed, "All Things Psychoanalytic"</a></font> <li><a href="http://www.corporationsonthecouch.com" target="_blank">Corporations on the Couch</a> Read Dr. Lynn Friedman's monthly, Washington Business Journal, column on understanding workplace dynamics. <li>For your questions about relationships, psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, check out Dr. Lynn Friedman's new website, <a href="http://www.washingtonpsychoanalyst.com" target="_blank"> The Washington Psychoanalyst.</a></li> </font> </td></tr> </table> </p> </font> <!-- End of text page --> <!-- Body of Text Begins Here --> <p align=center> <table cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0 border=1 width=700> <tr><td valign=top bgcolor="#dddddd"><FONT SIZE="3" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <b>Would you like to read, "Corporations on the Couch" in your home town? <a href="http://www.corporationsonthecouch.com"target_blank></td></tr> <tr><td valign=top><FONT SIZE="-1" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <li><a href="https://www.bizjournals.com/subscription/index.html?market=washington" target="_blank">Working in Washington, D.C.? Subscribe here.</a> <li>Would you like to read, Corporations on the Couch, in your locale? It's nationally syndicated. Contact your local editor and request it. <a href="http://www.bizjournals.com/" target="_blank"> Find your market here.</a> </ul> </font> </td></tr> </table> <!-- Body of Text Begins Here --> <p align=center> <table cellpadding=5 cellspacing=0 border=1 width=700> <tr><td valign=top bgcolor="#dddddd"><FONT SIZE="3" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <b>People who read this article also enjoyed these columns by <a href="http://www.drlynnfriedman.com/about.html"target="_blank">Dr. Lynn Friedman, psychoanalyst, psychologist and work-life coach.</a></b></font> </td></tr> <tr><td valign=top><FONT SIZE="-1" FACE="verdana, arial, helvetica"> <li><a href="http://www.corporationsonthecouch.com/reversedelegation.html" target="_blank">Don't let your subordinates delegate work to you</a> <li><a href="http://www.corporationsonthecouch.com/retiringinplace.html"target="_blank">Retiring in Place may point to management issues</a> </ul> </font> </td></tr> </table> <br><br> <!-- Main heading bar --> <table COLS=1 WIDTH="100%" cellspacing="1" border="0"> <td BGCOLOR="navy"><font face="Arial,Helvetica" color=purple size=+2></font></td> </tr> </table> <br><br> <a name="1"> <hr noshade size=1> <center> &copy; &nbsp; <i> Copyright © 2006 Lynn Friedman, Ph.D. All rights reserved. </i></center> <font size="-3"> <p>This material is copyrighted. This blog is offered as a community service. You may transmit them free-of-charge. Feel free to forward these columns to anyone who you think might be interested, so long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, inlcuding contact information. However, I ask that you adhere to copyright laws by providing, along with any column, all attached copyright information. It is a violation of copyright law to copy this column for commercial use and/or financial gain, to cut-and-paste this column or to use it without appropriate citation. I'll be glad to send these columns to anyone else who sends me email asking to be added to the dlist. While I invite you to link to this site, you may NOT reprint the material on a web site without my express written permission. Reprint permission will be freely granted, upon request, to student newspapers, universities and other non-profit educational organizations. Beyond this, advance written permission must be obtained prior to reprinting any of this material in modified or altered form. Thank you for your consideration.</p> <p>A final word, nothing published in this blog should be construed as a substitute for clinical, consultative or supervisory advice. If you have a mental health concern, or require consultation or supervision, please seek a consultation from a knowledgeable, well-trained, clinician. If it is an emergency seek treatment at your local emergency room.</p> <p><font face="times" size=-3><font size="-3"> </font></p> </center></font> <br><br></p> <c>Copyright Lynn Friedman, Ph.D. (2005)</c> </td> </tr> <!-- Below enter recommended readings. --> <tr> <td>&nbsp;</td> </tr> <tr> <td> <span class="text_2"> </span> </td> </tr> </span> </td> </tr> <tr> <td>&nbsp;</td> </tr> </table> </td> </tr> </table> </body> </html>