Corporations on the Couch

Lynn Friedman, Ph.D., Psychoanalyst, Clinical Psychologist and Executive Coach

A monthly column published in the Washington Business Journal

Coping mechanisms at work: More harm than good

You're a senior corporate leader, and you've recently hired Diana as your newest vice president. Her credentials are superb, her technical skills are excellent and, better yet, she's very personable. But at every turn Diana seems to sabotage herself. For example, she'll generate a compelling report but forget to spell-check it. She'll give a solid presentation, but show up dressed inappropriately. Or she'll alienate a key subordinate just when she needs that person's support. You're no stranger to organizational dynamics, so you've taken a hard look at the role that the organization might play in Diana's difficulties. You are, however, unable to identify systemic explanations for her behavior. When you talk with Diana about her difficulties, she readily acknowledges them, sometimes becomes tearful and promises to try harder. But there's a helpless quality to her voice, and you sense that she's at the mercy of forces beyond her control. You wonder what's going on. How can you understand her self-sabotage and help her to address it? It's apparent to both of you that Diana's behavior is maladaptive. Less apparent is the notion that her problems -- sloppiness, insensitivity to the corporate dress code and alienating subordinates -- may have an adaptive side. That is to say, in some (perhaps unconscious) way, she benefits from them. They likely help her to resolve an internal conflict. Her difficulties protect her. In effect, her behaviors represent a solution to a problem, albeit a far from ideal solution. While the maladaptive aspects of unwanted behaviors are easy to recognize, the adaptive aspects are more obscure. Diana probably cannot explain the real reasons for her self-sabotaging behavior because they're outside of her conscious awareness. In fact, if she were aware of what motivated her behavior, she could probably change it. Thus, her repeated missteps signal that she has an underlying conflict. As puzzling as this may sound, these phenomena are universal. Think about your own struggles. So what keeps Diana from putting her best foot forward? She might not want to go in the direction it would take her. While on a conscious level she might want to succeed very much, on a deeper level she may be terrified of doing so. Success might lead her into uncharted territory. Diana may be unaware of her fears of competition. For example, if she has a brother who was always viewed as more talented or smarter, unconsciously, she may be fearful of outdoing him. Similarly, at an unconscious level, she might be afraid that if she earns more money than her husband, she will lose him. Alternatively, success may be incompatible with her secret self-image as bumbler. Of course, you cannot tolerate self-destructive behavior, even if it may be unconscious. Doing so sends a message to Diana that she is not accountable for her actions. More insidiously, there's a trickle-down effect when Diana's subordinates and colleagues get the message that they need to work around her to get their jobs done. Ignoring or excusing Diana's behavior converts her individual difficulties into organizational dysfunction. Discuss Diana's troubling behavior with her and tell her firmly that she must find a way to change it. If she says she has no idea why she behaves in these self-sabotaging ways, empathize but insist the behavior must change nonetheless. It can be useful to share the notion that all behavior, no matter how self-destructive, has an adaptive function -- though you recognize that the adaptive function may be outside of her awareness. There is an art to conveying these ideas while steadfastly avoiding any discussion or conjecture about her personal dynamics or the internal workings of her mind. If she begins to discuss very personal issues, tell her they sound like important considerations; however, for the sake of your work relationship, you'd rather not talk about them with her because employees often regret these conversations later. Instead, after checking with your human resources department, make Diana aware of organizational resources that could be useful to her, including coaching or other kinds of professional development. In some cases, the best tool for gaining self-awareness is psychotherapy. While both the law and propriety might prevent you from requiring or even recommending psychotherapy, no laws preclude you from encouraging soul-searching or making her aware of services available through your employee assistance program. Conversations such as these are often difficult, but they are crucial to maintaining healthy workplaces and healthy workers. Have a question or comment for Dr. Lynn Friedman? E-mail her editor at tburn@bizjournals.com. To reach her directly for an appointment call: (301) 656-9650. Lynn Friedman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst and executive coach in Chevy Chase. This article, Coping mechanisms at work: More harm than good, by Dr. Lynn Friedman, clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst and work-life consultant, is reprinted with permission from the Washington Business Journal. This column is nationally-syndicated by the American City Business Journal. Dr. Lynn Friedman is on the adjunct faculty at Johns Hopkins University where she teaches Organizational Development in the Business School and Psychodynamics in the Clinical and Community Counseling Program.(Find the original article here.)

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Dr. Lynn Friedman provides organizational consultation and works with professionals and professionals-in-the-making to help them to achieve their work-life goals. Is your career off-track? Are you unhappy at work? Do you find it impossible to follow through on the suggestions of career books and coaches? Download Dr. Lynn Friedman's pdf file examining the kinds of help that might be useful. If you'd like to schedule an appointment with Dr. Lynn Friedman, feel free to give her a call at: 301-656-9650 Subscribe to Dr. Lynn Friedman's blog feed, "All Things Psychoanalytic" Corporations on the Couch Read Dr. Lynn Friedman's monthly, Washington Business Journal, column on understanding workplace dynamics. For your questions about relationships, psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, check out Dr. Lynn Friedman's new website, The Washington Psychoanalyst.

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